Andre F. Lijoi, MD
St. Catherine of Bologna Writing Group
Approximately 50,000 people die from suicide in the United States each year. The arrival of a new statistical year does not erase the sting of sorrow and grief that accompanies these deaths. Anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one, or is an acquaintance of or a caregiver for someone having this experience, will benefit from Ronald Rolheiser’s Bruised and Wounded: Struggling to Understand Suicide (Paraclete, 2017). In his brief volume (just seventy-seven pages), Rolheiser helps the reader understand and make some sense of—as much as humanly possible—death by suicide. He attempts to lead the reader onto a path of healing and hope.
Bruised and Wounded is a guide to coping with the suffering that accompanies the death of a loved one by suicide and provides a reflective process that encourages the journey to recovery to gestate and evolve. The introduction lays the foundation for Rolheiser’s main thesis—that suicide is an involuntary consequence of a terminal emotional disease rather than one of self-centered despair. This concept is central to his arguments throughout the book. From there, he addresses the stigma, shock, and stream of painful emotions experienced by those who survive. Words used by those whose stories are told include shock, numbness, anger, guilt, hate, abandonment, darkness, and despair. They ask, “Why did they do this?” and “What should I have done to have prevented it?” Rolheiser also provides insight into how one might reestablish joyful memories of the deceased and once again celebrate their lives. Rolheiser infuses the text with universal concepts of love, hope, mercy, and compassion by talking about Christian concepts of the human person and humanity and the unmatched, unimaginable love of God for his creation, especially the suffering, including those who have died by suicide and those who survive them.
Rolheiser encourages the reader to consider suicidal despair as weakness prompted by a malignant psychological illness rather than sinful abandonment of personal responsibility for one’s life. He includes narratives told by survivors and explains that no one he has known who died by suicide fits the description of “acting contrary to the just love of oneself.” He states that all have been sensitive, wounded, bruised, and overcome by a fatal illness. They were crushed, broken, and claimed by an illness they did not choose. He also argues that “to believe that God withholds mercy from those who are most broken in spirit betrays a profound misunderstanding of the nature and mercy of God.” He also reminds the reader that hopeful prayer for those who have departed this way, even when overwhelmed by helplessness, is an important way to bring some solace while waiting to recover.
In the remaining chapters, Rolheiser offers ways to reclaim the memory of loved ones and to return to celebrating the lives of those lost. This leads naturally into dealing with the profound pain experienced by survivors and ways to do that. A fracturing of human bonds and relationships among family and friends has occurred, and this reclamation is important to recovery.
The closing chapter challenges the reader to think differently about recovering from the pain of such a death. It is aptly titled “Dying into Safe Hands.” When any death occurs, there are no words to ease the pain; there is no soothing salve, and recovering is very hard. Yet this chapter is rich in insight that can provide comfort for the bereaved. Rolheiser suggests that comfort is found by embracing the belief that the deceased has “died into the safe, gentle, merciful and loving hands of Christ.” He includes references to Silent Night, the prodigal son, the good shepherd, St. Paul’s Letter to the Romans, and a compelling comment from Dietrich Bonhoeffer to drive home this point.
The journey of recovery from the death of a loved one by suicide is a personal exodus that takes time, persistence, and fortitude. Rolheiser walks the reader through that exodus and walks along with them. He writes in the first person, and the reader will sense that the author is in this with them. He provides direction for survivors that will help ease their own pain and help comfort others who also survive.
His thesis will be of help to the secular reader who is searching, as well as those connected to a religious tradition. Rolheiser presents his thoughts carefully, with every person in mind. He offers his spiritual guidance as options for the reader that will help them deal compassionately with their thoughts about the deceased, those around them, and themselves. This path will help anyone searching the recesses of their hearts and minds for answers to the existential questions that daunt them, including how and why this happened and how to recover from this deep, dark, painful abyss. While not a clinical volume, this book also provides much wisdom for those who professionally care for people who have experienced this loss and will help them in the care of their patients.