Several months had passed since my thirty-third birthday, and I was feeling hopelessly lost. Like countless other millennials, I grappled with underemployment and financial insecurity. The COVID-19 pandemic had certainly not helped matters in that regard. As disappointments mounted, I felt a profound sense of inadequacy. Past failures and frustrated desires had left scars that seemed like they would never fully heal. I attempted to salve my wounds with the inadequate remedies the culture offers—distraction and consumerism—but these left me feeling even more empty than before.
As I floundered in this morass of anxiety, confusion, and depression, I picked up Christus Vivit. The words of Pope Francis seemed to speak to my exact situation: “If you have lost your inner vitality, your dreams, your enthusiasm, your optimism and your generosity, Jesus stands before you as once he stood before the dead son of the widow, and with all the power of his resurrection he urges you: ‘Young man, I say to you, arise!’” (20). As I read these words, consolation swept over me.
The pontificate of Pope Francis will be remembered for many important and influential documents, but it was Christus Vivit—the post-synodal exhortation he wrote in the wake of the 2018 Synod of Bishops on Young People, Faith, and Vocational Discernment—that made an intense and lasting impression on me. It helped me to realize why my life seemed so directionless and adrift: I had not yet discovered my vocation!
The word “vocation” derives from the Latin verb vocare, meaning “to call.” It brings to mind the account in 1 Samuel when the Lord calls out to young Samuel in the night. On the prompting of the priest Eli, Samuel responds, “Speak, for your servant is listening” (1 Samuel 3:10). This was the beginning of Samuel’s prophetic mission.
Many resources are available for young people discerning the priesthood, religious life, or marriage, but my situation was different. I had never felt a call to the priesthood. Marriage, for many practical reasons, was simply not a life option for me. As a single layman in my thirties, I felt displaced. In terms of the Church and my relationship with Christ, it seemed like I had reached an impasse. What was I to do?
Pope Francis made clear that God “has given you many qualities, inclinations, gifts and charisms that are not for you, but to share with those around you.”
In Christus Vivit, Pope Francis addressed this issue head on: “For those who are not called to marriage or consecrated life, it must always be remembered that the first and most important vocation [emphasis mine] is the vocation we have received in baptism. Those who are single, even if not by their own choice, can offer a particular witness to that vocation through their own path of personal growth” (267).
But what does this unusual kind of vocation entail? Certainly, doing more than the bare minimum of attending Mass on Sundays! Nor is it simply, as Pope Francis writes, “a form of service inside the Church: serving as lectors, acolytes, catechists, and so forth.” Rather this fundamental vocation “is directed above all to charity within the family and to social and political charity. It is a concrete and faith-based commitment to the building of a new society. It involves living in the midst of society and the world in order to bring the Gospel everywhere” (168).
Still, the Holy Father acknowledged that “the maelstrom of this world can drive you to take a route without real meaning, without direction, without clear goals, and thus thwart many of your efforts.” The difficulties and pitfalls are dangerously real, and so “it is better to seek out that calm and quiet that enable you to reflect, pray, look more clearly at the world around you, and then, with Jesus, come to recognize the vocation that is yours in this world” (277).
It is imperative that we recognize that a vocation is more than a career path or a lifestyle choice. It is “a call to missionary service to others” (253). Taking the focus off ourselves may help us see opportunities and possibilities we never would have recognized otherwise. Pope Francis made clear that God “has given you many qualities, inclinations, gifts and charisms that are not for you, but to share with those around you” (286).
It is also important to remember that our vocations will challenge us. According to Pope Francis, “A vocation, while a gift, will undoubtedly also be demanding. God’s gifts are interactive; to enjoy them we have to be ready to take risks” (289). Furthermore, we must not allow fear and discouragement to hinder us: “We should not be hesitant, afraid to take chances or make mistakes. Avoid the paralysis of the living dead, who have no life because they are afraid to take risks, to make mistakes or to persevere in their commitments” (142).
Desperately searching for fulfillment in this life, I have made many mistakes, and some days they still lie heavy on me, but Pope Francis reminded us that “even if you make mistakes, you can always get up and start over, for no one has the right to rob you of hope” (142). These words had a profound impact on me as I moved forward, despite all of my previous failures.
I have learned to take each day as a new challenge and a new opportunity to walk with Christ and to prayerfully discern his plan for my life. This is a journey that may involve putting some of my own cherished plans and dreams aside. This is a task that requires casting off the paralyzing fear of failure and developing a childlike trust in God. I’ve tried some of the ways that the world claims will lead to happiness and found them wanting. I know now that the road taken with Christ, who is “the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6), is the only path that will lead to authentic joy and fulfillment.
In recent years, I have felt the calling to be a writer. Freelance writing is not a route to instant success (or prosperity), but through it, I have come to see my fledgling freelance career as a kind of mission. I write because I hope my words will entertain, inspire, or educate someone, and hopefully draw them closer to Christ. By taking the focus off myself and my own desire for success, I have made writing into something resembling a true vocation.
No matter my circumstances or eventual career path, I have discovered a way to give my talents back to God for his glory and for the benefit of others. It is an ongoing process, sometimes difficult and slow, and I am still learning. It is still possible that in the future, the Lord may call me to marriage or religious life. But until that time, I am living the life of a single layman and a writer for Christ the best I can; for that, I thank Pope Francis and his eloquent exhortation to honor my Baptism with a service of hope.