The concept of survivor syndrome or survivor guilt was first discussed by psychiatrists such as William Niederland, Eliazar de Wind, and Robert Lifton, who worked with survivors of the Holocaust and other atrocities like Hiroshima. In their research, they documented a series of symptoms experienced by those who had survived significant trauma. Foremost amongst these symptoms were anxiety, depression, and a sense of guilt for being alive. These symptoms have been associated with transgenerational trauma, affecting the children and grandchildren of survivors. Psychiatrists like Yael Danieli continue to work with the families of Holocaust and terrorism survivors.
Since the first publications in the wake of the Holocaust, there have been many documented cases of survivor guilt resulting from traumatic events. In The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, “survivor guilt” is acknowledged as a symptom of a subset of post-traumatic stress disorder.
There are cultural and theological implications surrounding survivor guilt.
Conversations around survivor guilt are not strictly the domain of psychiatrists and psychologists. We also see themes of survivor guilt in contemporary popular culture. Miles Johnston is an artist whose surreal drawings seek to depict the inner turmoil, anxieties, and thoughts of his subjects. His 2020 piece “Survivor Guilt” is an evocative depiction of the pain and guilt felt by a survivor. Two rappers, Merkules and Mozzy, have both released albums called “Survivor’s Guilt” separately in the last three years, exploring themes of trauma and mental health. There are cultural and theological implications surrounding survivor guilt.
Both the scientific community and society generally recognize that surviving a traumatic event when others do not can lead to real and lasting mental health burdens. Whether walking away from large-scale tragedies like the Holocaust or 9/11 or surviving a car accident where another person in the vehicle died, survivors carry a painful wound. Counselors and mental health professionals, both Christian and secular, journey with and advocate for many types of survivors.
One group of survivors not often considered are the siblings of aborted children. Does the violent death of a brother or sister whom they never met affect them? This is important to address because we estimate, with publicly available data, that roughly one in three people born today are the siblings of at least one aborted child. If this large of a demographic could be considered survivors, what might this mean for Catholic counselors and evangelists who seek to bring the truth and healing of Jesus Christ to the most hurting parts of our culture?
My late father, Dr. Philip Ney, was a child and family psychiatrist who published “A Consideration of Abortion Survivors” in Child Psychiatry and Human Development in 1983. In those days, he was one of very few academics researching and publishing on the effects of abortion on child abuse and neglect from a clinical and scientific perspective. In this paper, he takes the well-established concept of survivor guilt and explores it in relation to children who have one or more aborted siblings. Through both research and clinical observations, he observed a very marked connection between a history of abortion in a family and symptoms associated with having survived a traumatic event.
It is worth acknowledging that in most cases, from Holocaust survivors to the survivors of natural disasters, there is usually an acute awareness that one has survived when others (often family or friends) have not. Can the same be said of abortion survivors? Most children whose siblings are aborted are either very young at the time of the loss or are born after the aborted sibling. How can they know? This question is treated at some length in Dr. Ney’s article, in which he cites other published case studies and his own clinical experience. Whether it is from memories, overheard conversations, or subtle clues that connect with an awareness of the broader abortion issue in society, children are very often aware at some level that there is a missing brother or sister. There are cases where parents explicitly tell their children about an abortion. We have even seen instances where parents indirectly involve one child in the decision to abort a subsequent child.
As Catholics, regardless of whether we work as mental health professionals, there are significant implications from the prevalence of abortion survivors to consider. Continuing the work of my father, an international survivor study group—consisting of academics, counselors, priests, and religious sisters—is discussing the impact of Dr. Ney’s research on counseling and evangelizing a generation of abortion survivors. In the remainder of this essay, I describe three considerations for evangelization relating to the symptoms often associated with survivors (as discussed in Dr. Ney’s book Deeply Damaged). I offer three insights our group has found to be particularly impactful when accompanying survivors toward faith and a personal relationship with God.
Guilt and Anxiety
Survivor guilt and existential anxiety are the most prevalent symptoms of abortion survivors. They have a complicated relationship with being alive. While wanting to live, there is often a deep-seated guilt that comes from the knowledge or intuition that they are alive while one or more of their siblings is not. From a testimony quoted in Deeply Damaged: “Why was I allowed to live? It may be some outside circumstance, something I did or did not do. I do not deserve to be alive. I feel guilty.” Abortion survivors often feel anxious about life, aware at some level that their parents had the power of life and death over them. It can feel like it was blind chance or worse that their parents chose life for them and death for their sibling.
Survivor guilt and existential anxiety are the most prevalent symptoms of abortion survivors.
One observation coming out of the survivor study group is that survivor guilt and anxiety impinge on a person’s openness to the intrusion of grace. For the survivor, the idea that God could strike them, even if it is with tender love and mercy, is terrifying. We all commonly feel guilty and unworthy of God’s grace. This sense can be compounded for the survivor who so often feels guilty just for being alive and frightened by anyone who seems to hold the power of life and death over them.
Fear and Distrust
Other common symptoms for abortion survivors are distrust and fear of the truth. Although parents are often the place we first learn to trust another person, if a child learns or suspects their parents have had an abortion, a wound of distrust forms between parent and child. As mentioned above, survivors often become aware that one of their siblings was aborted through overheard comments or conversations. These family “pseudo-secrets” may lead to survivors feeling ambivalent about the truth. They want to know what really happened but are afraid to face the implications of such a painful reality. Both knowing and not knowing the full truth about an aborted sibling seems too terrible.
The wound of distrust can extend beyond distrust of parents and family to God. A survivor might ask, “Why, if God is good, did he not protect my sibling?” This can be further complicated if the survivor is told their sibling was aborted out of “love.” It becomes easy to distrust or even be repulsed by the idea of a loving father figure. Truth itself is not always attractive to a survivor. Some things can seem too awful to confront. Many testimonies give evidence that survivors tend to desire to escape into a different reality. This is becoming an increasingly common coping mechanism with modern technology.
Ontological Guilt and Low Self-Worth
The last symptoms I will cover here are those of ontological guilt and low self-worth. The terrible reality many survivors face is that they are because someone wanted them; their siblings are not because they were not wanted. The existence of a child thus becomes contingent on a parent wanting that child. Often, this leads to children feeling immense pressure to meet their parents’ expectations. Abortion survivor testimonies, compiled in Deeply Damaged and Abortion Survivors, indicate a tendency either to rebel against this pressure or do whatever they can to remain “wanted.” Survivors struggle to cultivate healthy self-worth as they constantly measure their achievements against what they believe they need to do to secure their existence.
Here we face some of the greatest challenges to evangelization. How can we reconcile the experience of a survivor with the idea of an all-powerful God who holds the power of life and death, and in a very real sense wills every person into existence? Not only that, but without due care in sharing the Gospel, it can appear that God sentenced his own Son to death. Why? That others might live. This surface-level yet common presentation of the Gospel is far too close to the awful experience of each survivor.
Some wounds are so deep, but we make this act of trust that Jesus can and will heal our broken humanity and will speak tenderly to the heart of the survivor.
These considerations are meant only to help us as counselors, evangelists, family, and friends, to understand the hurt and the challenges so often faced by siblings of aborted children. In the survivor study group, through testimonies and experience, we have proposed three insights that may aid others in accompanying and evangelizing survivors.
1. Acknowledge the Wound
Abortion is difficult to talk about. No matter the circumstance, there are real barriers to having a productive conversation about it. Yet it is important to create space for people to carefully and safely explore their wounds. For those who know or suspect they have lost a sibling through abortion, it is essential that they are allowed to acknowledge, discuss, explore, and heal from this loss. Providing space for awareness to develop is often the first step in the healing journey.
2. Friendship
The space needed for healing is most effectively created through authentic friendships and community. This is especially important for healing distrust. In these relationships, it is important that people feel welcomed as they are, not wanted for who they might become. It is often the gentle light of Christ in the context of genuine loving friendships that can best penetrate guilt and self-isolation. In a culture that facilitates survivors creating their own (often virtual) reality, friendships can allow them to step out of their protective bubble into the reality of encountering the other.
3. Jesus
Abortion survivors often fear and distrust God the Father. Yet Jesus, in his meekness, unashamed of his wounds, is much more accessible for the survivor. We can turn confidently to Jesus especially in eucharistic adoration, a place of welcoming friendship where anyone can encounter the loving mercy of God. As accompaniers, this is also a beautiful act of confident surrender. We ought to have a healthy sense of our inadequacy in journeying with survivors. Some wounds are so deep, but we make this act of trust that Jesus can and will heal our broken humanity and will speak tenderly to the heart of the survivor. We can confidently entrust that person to the infinite mercy and transforming love of Jesus Christ encountered in the Eucharist.